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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310879">The Truth Behind Your Lies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/voltarrrrr/pseuds/voltarrrrr'>voltarrrrr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Tension, Canon Universe, Comfort Sex, Coming In Pants, Coming Untouched, Dominant Erwin Smith, Dry Humping, Dry Sex, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insecure Nile Dok, M/M, Past Lovers, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Repressed Desires, Resolved Sexual Tension, Stress Relief</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:41:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/voltarrrrr/pseuds/voltarrrrr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nile Dawk is exhausted, stressed out and unhappy. He really isn't in the mood nor the right headspace to meet up with Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouting Legion and former best friend. But work is work and has to be done. Nile wants to stay as professional as possible... and this most certainly isn't a lie he is telling himself. Definetly not.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nile Dok/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Truth Behind Your Lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Looking around as if fearing someone was watching him, Nile stepped into the carriage waiting for him in front of the Military Police's headquarters. He felt ridiculously nervous, so much that he could almost laugh at himself if he didn't also feel like throwing up any second.</p><p>Once seated he gave the coachman a sign to start the journey. A moment later he heard the neighing of horses and the sounds of their hooves moving forward.<br/>
At that Nile released a deep breath, he didn't know he had held in all this time.</p><p>Staring blankly straight forward, Nile tried to calm his nerves and relax in his seat. The journey would take a few hours. He had still enough time left to worry about everything and nothing.</p><p>With a defeated sigh, he closed his eyes, trying to calm down. He quickly realised how exhausted he actually was. Work has been extraordinarily tiring and demanding the past few weeks and he was relieved to know he would have a few days off after this journey.</p><p>Once again he started to wonder why he had thought it to be a good idea to take on this trip in the first place. The job could have been done with any other lower ranked representative of his troops. And yet he had voluntarily offered to do this.</p><p>Nile cursed himself for this decision while at the same time he didn't regret it at all. On the contrary! In some sort of awkward way he was even excited. But for what exactly? He didn't know.<br/>
And asking himself that question over and over again wouldn't bring any results. He should start focusing on something else.</p><p>His thoughts drifted off to his days off soon, thinking about what he could possibly do with the free time facing him.</p><p>Nile didn't really have any friends, specifically not within the Military Police. But he didn't mind. That's what he told himself. After all, Nile was a good liar. So good that he could also lie to himself and believe that bullshit on top of that.</p><p>He looked out of the window and saw a few members of the MP patrolling, looking as arrogant and conceited as always.<br/>
Sometimes Nile liked to tell himself that he didn't look that way when on duty. Of course that also - what else could it be - was a big fat lie.</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair which looked as untamed and dull as always.</p><p>He could go home, he thought. Back to Marie and his children.<br/>
Yes, this is what he would probably do. It has been some time and he actually missed his kids dearly.<br/>
He also missed his wife. But he figured the feeling wasn't mutual.</p><p>Rubbing his temple in a thoughtful manner, he reminisced about his last visit. About how Marie had confessed to him she had been unfaithful. She had cried. Nile had comforted her, assuring her that he forgave her.</p><p>And it was true that he wasn't angry at her.<br/>
Their relationship had long lost its spark and with him spending most of his time working it had reversed more into what it used to be. A relationship of two good friends. Maybe it was better that way.</p><p>He told himself it was fine. He told himself he was fine. Lying was part of his life after all.<br/>
Truth was, it still bothered him a lot. He was disappointed in how things had turned out. He was mad at himself for failing.</p><p>He was glad they were still on good terms though. He didn't know what he would do if they weren't. Nile still cared for Marie a whole lot and it made things easier for the children.</p><p>But sometimes things that happened couldn't be changed.<br/>
Sometimes some relationships just weren't meant to be.<br/>
It wasn't the first time the commander of the MP had to learn this.</p><p>Hours passed and Nile's mood only worsened. The carriage was uncomfortable to sit in. His mind wouldn't stop bothering him with terrible thoughts and his nerves wouldn't calm down. It was late noon by now and he knew the sun would go down soon.<br/>
He had almost reached his destination, he noticed as he looked out of the window once more.</p><p>Running a trembling hand through his hair, Nile tried to take a deep breath.<br/>
It was ridiculous to feel so nervous, he knew that. There was no reason to.<br/>
But for some reason he never managed to calm down when doing these trips. Because he knew what was awaiting him. Or rather who.</p><p>***</p><p>"Come in!", an all too familiar voice called out from behind the door Nile just had knocked on.</p><p>Almost hesitantly he reached out to open the door and when he did, his grip felt weak as if he wasn't even able to push it open on his own.</p><p>The first thing Nile noticed when entering the room was that stupid smile on Erwin's face. It was always there and it filled Nile with some weird mixture of anger and confusion.<br/>
He was sure that Erwin knew what he was doing when giving him that smile.</p><p>"Ah Nile, it is good to see you. I hope your journey was pleasant!"</p><p>Nile's jaw instinctively clenched as he heard Erwin speaking his name. He couldn't help it. Something about it always seemed so off to him.</p><p>"Please take a seat."<br/>
Erwin gestured towards the chair in front of his desk he was sitting behind.</p><p>Nile hesitated for a second but then went on to follow the instruction.<br/>
Sitting stiffly in a chair, staring at your former best friend who pretended this was the most normal thing ever - it irritated Nile to no end. That day more than usual but he couldn't point out why.</p><p>It wasn't like this was a rare occasion for them. Nile always managed to stay professional. Pretence was just another form of lying and he was good at that.<br/>
But maybe it was the exhaustion haunting his mind and body that betrayed him that day.</p><p>They remained silent for a while and Nile noticed Erwin squinting his eyes - ever so slightly, barely notable - while watching him.</p><p>The way Erwin would silently observe and stare was another thing Nile despised.<br/>
Every damn time he would feel his chest tightening and his mouth going dry.<br/>
He couldn't help but think of the past.<br/>
That one time lying didn't come easy to him: "I'll be joining the Military Police, Erwin. I never even considered joining the Scouting Legion in the first place."<br/>
In fact it was the hardest lie he ever had to tell and while he didn't exactly regret it, that moment in his life still haunted him and probably would do so forever.<br/>
Erwin had seemed unfazed but that was only what he allowed to show the world.</p><p>It was the commander of the Military Police who gave in first, having decided to pull himself together and get the job done with.</p><p>"About the documents we needed to ta-"</p><p>"Don't", Erwin interrupted him promptly.</p><p>"Huh?!"<br/>
Nile furrowed his brows, confused and admittedly also slightly offended by the sudden interruption.</p><p>"I said don't", Erwin repeated, eyes fixed on Nile who still had no clue what the other was thinking in that moment.</p><p>"What do you mean don't?", Nile blurted out, tone harsher than intended but he honestly didn't have the nerves to deal with another of Erwin's little games.</p><p>"I mean what I said. You don't plan on leaving tonight already again, do you?"</p><p>"No but-"</p><p>"That means we don't have to discuss work now."</p><p>It was true and a reasonable suggestion considering that it was getting late and Nile was absolutely exhausted. But he didn't like admitting that Erwin was right. In fact, he hated it. He hated it so much that he'd prefer staying up all night working while he actually wanted nothing more than collapse onto a fucking bed.</p><p>"Erwin, I didn't come all this way just to do a bit of small talk and abandon work", Nile complained loudly, secretly cursing himself for being so stupidly stubborn. For all he knew, he could be asleep in a bed within the next ten minutes but no, he had to insist on doing work. And it was Erwin's fault.</p><p>Erwin sighed and tried it again: "Nile, you really need to relax a bit and-"</p><p>"The fuck I need, Smith", the commander of the MP then suddenly lashed out in a taut voice, standing up and glaring at the other. His head hurt and his entire body was sore from sitting in a stupid carriage all day. On top he was stressed from work and tired of his daily life.<br/>
All in all, he was absolutely not in the mood to have a fight with Erwin Smith right now.</p><p>Erwin however seemed unaffected by the sudden outburst and merely watched Nile closely. This wasn't a fight they were having. Nile was simply too proud to agree on anything that would be suggested to him.<br/>
It wasn't the first time seeing his old friend like this.<br/>
And Erwin knew that Nile wasn't really angry either. He was frustrated. He knew that look and behaviour.</p><p>Nile was tense, staring the commander of the SC down, nostrils flaring, lips pressed together into a thin line.<br/>
But Erwin mostly noticed the exhaustion.<br/>
Erwin also noticed Nile's eyes roaming over him, nervous as to what to do next, almost afraid of the reaction he'd receive upon lashing out.<br/>
Moreover he noticed the way Nile tried way too hard.<br/>
Trying way too hard to find a reason to be mad at him.</p><p>"Nile", Erwin finally spoke up, his voice stern and demanding but with that certain gentle undertone that Nile knew all too well.</p><p>As soon as he had heard his name spoken that way, his expression crumbled back into its tired self and the tension in his body slowly faded.</p><p>One could spot the slightest smile on Erwin's face, pleased with the fact that his voice alone still held so much power over his friend.<br/>
Upon noticing the smile, Nile's head lowered in an instant, ashamed of the very same reason that Erwin seemed so happy about.</p><p>"Look at me!", Erwin ordered gently and Nile complied, his knees growing weaker with every second that he had to look at the other commander. His entire demeanour had changed within only a couple of seconds of being confronted with this side of Erwin and while that was no new experience, he couldn't help but cringe at himself.</p><p>"Come here!", Erwin gave his next order and pushed the chair he was sitting on back from the desk to free up some space around him.</p><p>Reacting to this as Erwin had expected, Nile's eyes widened a little, unable to move and do as he was told. He knew exactly where this was going and yet he lied to himself, pretending as if he was oblivious of what Erwin expected of him. However, his racing heart was betraying him, causing him a hard time to simply ignore the situation.</p><p>"It always used to help back in the day when you were stressed", Erwin hummed with an encouraging smile as Nile still made no attempt to move from his spot. And Erwin was right. Again.</p><p>Nile used to be stressed a lot during their years as trainees. He never grew out of it.<br/>
And Erwin was always there to help.<br/>
Always. Without exception.<br/>
Even now after all these years, it seemed.</p><p>Instinctively Nile slowly walked over to Erwin like he always used to do.<br/>
It was as if his legs were carrying him all by themselves - he was out of control.</p><p>As he stood in front of Erwin his senses returned and he could merely glance at the sitting commander who was patiently waiting.</p><p>"I couldn't-" Nile croaked, voice unsteady and quiet.</p><p>"You can."</p><p>And Erwin was right again.<br/>
Nile most definetly could.<br/>
And if he - for once in his life - was honest to himself, he also most definetly wanted to.</p><p>Nile dropped to his knees and glanced back up to Erwin, as if asking for some sort of permission to go on.<br/>
He gave an encouraging nod and Nile proceeded to carefully sit between Erwin's legs, resting his head on the taller man's thigh.</p><p>Almost instantly Erwin's hand gently brushed through his messy black hair, causing the tension in his body to be released at once. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.</p><p>This felt good. So familiar.</p><p>Erwin hummed in an appreciative manner while tenderly caressing Nile's hair.</p><p>It had been a while since someone has tended to him so lovingly, Nile thought - just being there for him and his comfort.</p><p>Nile felt at ease for the first time in what felt like ages. Everything else was forgotten - work, stress, anger and frustration.</p><p>As exhausted as he was, Nile could have fallen right asleep in this position, as he noticed after a couple of minutes.<br/>
That was if Erwin wouldn't have decided to break the silence.</p><p>"Nile", he spoke gently and Nile lifted his head, curiously eyeing Erwin from beneath.</p><p>But there was no reply.<br/>
Instead Erwin hooked two fingers under Nile's chin, lifting his face to then proceed to lean down and place a loving kiss onto the commander's lips.</p><p>Nile was taken aback by the action and the kiss was over before he could even consider to return it or not.</p><p>Erwin backed off again and Nile kept staring, lips slightly parted, eyes widened.<br/>
Erwin's kisses were just as wonderful as they used to be, he noted and everything that followed, happened under the control of pure instinct.</p><p>Before Erwin could say anything, Nile got up from the floor, connecting their lips once more in an urgent manner.<br/>
Erwin gladly reciprocated, lightly groaning into the kiss as it deepened.</p><p>They were fully lost in their heated togetherness. Oblivious to what was happening around them.<br/>
Making up for all he years they hadn't spent like this. The years they hadn't spent together.</p><p>Erwin placed one hand around the nape of the other's neck, thumb caressing his skin while playfully biting Nile's bottom lip.</p><p>Heat was rushing through their bodies and feelings of excitement aswell as unfulfilled longings from the past were released.</p><p>Nothing had changed, Erwin thought. Nile still was desperately demanding while kissing as if he was starving and Erwin's lips and mouth were the most glorious feast on earth. But his shaking body was betraying him. He was also just as nervous still, the sensations causing him to fully devote.</p><p>Being the one who had started the kiss, it was also Nile who broke it after a while, panting, gasping for air, cheeks flushed.</p><p>Erwin's breathing pattern wasn't as messed up but still unusually fast. He grinned.</p><p>"It seems you still haven't been able to release all pressure", he purred.</p><p>Nile, having just managed to catch his breath again, slightly tilted his head with a questioning look.</p><p>Erwin merely chuckled.</p><p>It was then that Nile noticed the uncomfortable pressure of tightening pants below. He let out a curse under his breath, cheeks gaining even more colour.<br/>
These uniform pants really did absolutely nothing to hide unfortunate things like damn boners.</p><p>How often had he already needed to send young cadets off to take care of their business. And now he was basically one of them - not able to control himself?! How pathetic!</p><p>"Fuck! Uhm, I- Y-yeah, well I-I-"<br/>
Please not the stammering too, Nile begged innerly. He had definetly already made enough of a fool out of himself.<br/>
And on top of that, he was beginning to panic.<br/>
He needed to get out of here and never talk to Erwin ever again, he needed to-</p><p>"Don't worry, I've got you", Erwin interrupted his train of thoughts and like ever so often, Nile could only stare, confused about the meaning behind the commander's words.</p><p>"You do remember that one summer we snuck away from training, don't you? Behind the barn.."</p><p>"N-no...?"</p><p>"Oh, I think you do remember."</p><p>Nile felt like his face was burning at this point.</p><p>"A-are you suggesting we...?"</p><p>"I most certainly am."</p><p>Oh and how badly Nile just longed to give in.<br/>
He remembered this day so vividly.<br/>
The desperation. The need. The release.<br/>
Just thinking about it made the cock in his pants twitch in excitement.</p><p>Despite his longing, Nile hesitated without really knowing why. What was there to lose?<br/>
It was nothing they hadn't done before.<br/>
There wasn't even a deeper meaning behind it, right?<br/>
Erwin just wanted to help him out.<br/>
Helping an old friend out.<br/>
This shouldn't be that much of an issue, Nile pondered.</p><p>He only managed to snap out of his thoughts when Erwin casually placed his hands on his hips, gently pulling him down and Nile actually complied.</p><p>With a nervous glint in his eyes and hesitant movements, the commander of the MP slowly sat down, straddling the other commander's left thigh. He then proceeded to loosely wrap his arms around Erwin's neck who only flashed him a soft smile.</p><p>A shiver ran down Nile's spine when Erwin leaned in, purring quietly into his ear: "Try to relax!"<br/>
It was then that Nile realised how tense he still was, his body trembling, almost feeling like collapsing. But he felt strangely safe and secure in his friend's embrace. Nothing could happen to him, he was actually certain of that.</p><p>Despite resting in this rather intimate position, Nile still felt way too embarrassed to actually proceed with their plan.</p><p>It had always been so unfair to witness how those situations didn't seem to affect Erwin quite as much, Nile thought.<br/>
But to be honest... he knew it was just him acting ridiculous. He was an adult after all. He shouldn't even get so flustered in the first place. Especially not because someone was doing nothing more than acting nice and caring towards him. How pathetic!</p><p>All of a sudden Nile felt soft lips brushing the skin right beneath his ear, causing a quiet shriek to be released.</p><p>Nile wanted to curse Erwin and get angry with him again. He exactly knew how sensitive this spot was and he was just using it to his advantage.<br/>
But before any complaint could actually leave his mouth, Erwin had the audacity to playfully lick over the exact same spot.</p><p>A small moan emitted from Nile and he instinctively - in a moment of desperation - jerked his hips forward, causing his bulge to rub against the other commander's thigh, this time moaning even louder.</p><p>Emerging victorious from this little tease, Erwin grinned.<br/>
Embarrassment immediately broke out within Nile and before the other could spot his burning cheeks, he hid his face in the crook of Erwin's neck.</p><p>"Fuck you.." Nile grumbled, voice muffled.</p><p>"There, there", Erwin chuckled and gently rubbed his friend's back in a comforting manner.</p><p>"This is ridiculous. All of it."</p><p>"You just need to relax and let yourself enjoy things", Erwin spoke, tone almost sounding a bit sad. Nile had never been good at enjoying things and it was saddening to see that this was indeed still the case.</p><p>"Mhm..."</p><p>Ever so gently, Erwin cupped the other's face in his hands to lift it up to his own. He noticed Nile's bottom lip trembling as he stared back.</p><p>"You've gotten old", Erwin noted but Nile only rolled his eyes. As if he hadn't noticed that himself. He has gotten old but was just as a pathetic as his teenage self.</p><p>"You aswell and you're still as annoying", Nile replied with a huff.</p><p>"And you are still as cocky."</p><p>"Oh please shut up, Erwin."</p><p>"That can be arranged."</p><p>And just like that lips connected again. It happened so fast that it wasn't even clear who had closed the distance in the first place.</p><p>This time there seemed to be no inhibitions within Nile, causing Erwin to grin into their kiss.</p><p>It wasn't long into it that Erwin could feel the other's hips slightly moving. His erection was still pressing into his thigh and Erwin knew that by now Nile must be desperate for release.<br/>
And he really was.</p><p>"Don't hold back", Erwin groaned, letting his hands slide down to the other's rear to get a good grip.</p><p>He watched as Nile closed his eyes, an almost highly concentrated look on his face, letting his hips roll experimently.<br/>
He watched the expression crumble, lips parting as a moan escaped, head being thrown back.<br/>
And he felt Nile's dick digging into his thigh, merely the fabric of their pants parting them.</p><p>"Oh fuck-"</p><p>Nile seemed to have tasted blood, his hips jerking and rolling, picking up on speed, humping against Erwin's thigh.</p><p>"You're doing so good", Erwin praised as Nile pleasured himself, ecstatic panting filling the room, brows creased, mouth hanging slightly open.</p><p>Nile knew he wouldn't last long but he didn't care. The waves of pleasure buzzing through his entire body felt way too good to be able to hold back.</p><p>The friction of his erection rubbing against the rough fabric of their uniform's pants and the fact that it was Erwin Smith's thigh he was straddling so desperately, was something Nile hadn't imagined to experience again. Especially not that day.</p><p>"That's it, keep going", Erwin encouraged, sensing how close Nile was getting already as he gave his ass a light smack.</p><p>As a reaction, Nile gripped on tighter to Erwin's shoulders, letting out a small yelp.<br/>
He felt something in his lower stomach tightening.</p><p>"Erwin-" he moaned while continuing his humping in a kind of urgency that even Erwin was astounded by it.</p><p>"I want you to come for me", Erwin spurred him on in a low hum, gladly watching Nile succumbing.<br/>
Succumbing to his needs.<br/>
Succumbing to Erwin.</p><p>"I- Ah!" Nile suddenly whined as his whole body tensed up and he spilled over in his pants, hips jerking up, trying to ride out the ongoing orgasm.</p><p>Nile was panting, trying to come down from the sensation he had just experienced.<br/>
His limp body fell against the other's, head resting on a muscular shoulder.</p><p>Erwin knew Nile tended to have a hard time relaxing after his climax which is why he merely stroked his hair and pressed little kisses onto it.</p><p>For both it was difficult to express what they were feeling.<br/>
The fact that they had fallen back into their old pattern seemed strangely comforting but also scary in a way.<br/>
Now that they were both commander's of opposite regiments, maintaining a relationship that included more than just the most necessary niceties seemed absurd and almost impossible.</p><p>Deep down they both knew that but they were both good at lying to themselves.<br/>
And while lying was something considered unethical amongst most people, they would never stop surrendering to the lies they created for themselves.<br/>
Maybe the lies worked as a form of self protection, maybe they were merely projecting the messed up lives they were living. Or maybe they had no meaning at all.</p><p>But one thing was clear:<br/>
Their lying was an act to maintain their sanity.<br/>
To keep living.</p>
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